Divorce is difficult for everyone; however women often seem to manage better emotionally after divorce than men. Many men return to dating before they have taken the time to heal.

Divorce is the death of a relationship.  Any death brings grief with it and it has to be dealt with before moving on.  The worry is that men try to solve their loneliness before they resolve their grief and that isn’t healthy.

Women approach their post-divorce life differently.  Usually they allow themselves to cry, using their friends and family as supportive crutches for their emotions. They talk about how they are feeling and that’s a good thing. It’s as though once it’s exposed to the light, the load is easier to carry.

Unlike women, men have a tendency to keep their feelings to themselves, rarely confiding in their friends to help them through. They keep their feelings locked inside and the problem with that is that it eats away inside and makes it difficult to move on and form new relationships.

Unresolved emotion is a time bomb so it’s no surprise that the incidence of depression is high in divorced men yet the subject is hardly discussed.  Isn’t that sad?

Women tend to use the time immediately after divorce to positively reconnect with friends and family.  They know that they don’t have to put on a happy front all the time.  Having this social support in place is a big factor in being able to bounce back after such an extremely stressful event.

Men, this is a lesson you need to learn.  It is important for you to meet with others on a social level, even if you don’t particularly feel like it.  Accepting invitations from both family and friend is a great way to begin. Start out where you feel safe and with people who understand what you’ve been through.

Take a leaf from the female’s book and allow yourself to experience and express your emotions in a healthy way.  It’s the only way you’ll be able to move on as a happy and whole person.

Setting up the pantry can seem pretty overwhelming, particularly when you walk into your local supermarket and there are thousands of items on the shelves; all of which you seem to need.  Well, that’s what the advertising tells you.

What you really need in your pantry at all times are what we call the staples.  These are the basics that form the core of most meals. With these in your pantry you will always be able to whip up something to eat.

Two fundamental items for the pantry are rice and pasta; both of which are highly versatile and can be utilised for the main or side dishes.

Depending on your food preparation and cooking skills, and your taste preferences of course, other essentials include things like:

• Cooking oil and olive oil
• Sauces; tomato, soy, sweet chilli and satay.
• Herbs and spices; Italian herbs, curry powder and various other mixed and individual herbs and spices all make your meals taste nicer.
• Packet Mixes; a small sample is fine, like Chilli Con Carne, although many dishes can be created without packets.
• Tins; vegies (corn, carrots, mushrooms, beans and pulses) are handy for adding to dishes, and tinned tomato is versatile and highly useful.  Don’t forget good old standby’s like baked beans and canned spaghetti.
• Bread and toppings like Vegemite.
• Cereals
• Instant noodles are great for late night snacks.
• Other; tomato paste, fish or oyster sauce, tinned or tetra pack (long life) cream are also handy essentials to have.

If you’d like a printable list to help you when you shop you can visit Grocery Lists and download a good little shopping list to keep on your fridge. (http://www.grocerylists.org/ultimatest/ )

There you have it; stock up on your basic staples and you’ll be able to whip up a meal even when you haven’t managed to go shopping.

Can you suggest other essentials for your pantry?

Doing the laundry may sound like a simple enough task, but there is nothing worse than ending up with all your clothes coloured pink or with big streaks where there should be none!  Save yourself some stress and read these easy tips for doing the laundry:

• Separate your laundry into piles according to colour. You’ll need one for whites, one for colours and one for dark.
• Wash similar colours together. This will stop your whites from going strange shades of grey and your coloured clothes from streaking.
• If you wash your darker clothes especially jeans and t-shirts inside out and hang them out this way they won’t fade so quickly.
• Don’t wash towels and sheets with your normal clothes. Your clothes will get covered in little fluffy bits and it’s incredibly hard to get off! You’ll be picking at your clothes for weeks afterwards.
• If you do find a stain, apply a stain remover (ideally soon after you spot the stain) then wash clothes as normal.
• For heavier stains you might need to invest in some soaking agent such as Napisan or White King and a bucket! Read the instructions on the container because that will tell you how much to use.  Soak them for a while and then you can wash as normal.
• If you spend a little time shaking out your wet laundry before you hang it out and then fold them into the basket off the line, you will probably be able to avoid ironing most items of clothing.

If in doubt, read the washing (and drying) instructions you will on the tag inside any garment. It won’t take you long before you get the hang of things and your clothes will be clean and in good order.

I’m sure there are people out there that enjoy cleaning their home, but perhaps you’re not one of them.  If you prefer to spend more time enjoying life than cleaning up after it, here are a few tips on how to make cleaning quick and painless.

Top down

As a general rule, clean all top surfaces before you vacuum. You know that if you start at the bottom – the floor – you’ll only end up with crumbs all over it again once you start wiping down the benches.There’s something satisfying, too, about just sweeping stuff onto the floor ready to get sucked up by the vacuum later.  Don’t forget to suck up the dust bunnies hiding under your bed.

Start small

I like breaking down my cleaning to one room at a time – it makes cleaning the whole house seem like less work, which means I’m more likely to get on with it.  Tidy up, do the tops, then move onto the next room, vacuuming everywhere at the end.

High maintenance

Maintaining your place throughout the week makes doing that overall clean a lot easier.  All those things that your Mum nagged you about, like hanging up your clothes or washing up your dishes actually make sense after all.  Simple maintenance makes doing your regular clean a piece of cake.

What about products?

When it comes to products you generally get what you pay for. If you pay a little more the product often lasts longer because you don’t need to use a lot at each clean. Keep them stored together so you can see when it’s time to stock up again.  You’ll need a spray for your benches and surfaces, floor cleaner, laundry detergent, dishwashing detergent and a disinfectant. Try electrostatic dust wipes too – they are really fast and easy. There are all sorts of other specialist cleaning products available on the supermarket shelves but usually you won’t need to bother with those.Only buy the basics to begin with.

Cleaning is the thing most of us love to hate.  But the easier you make it for yourself, the more motivated you’ll be to stay on top of it – leaving you to get on with the things in life you really do enjoy, dust free.

Are you recently divorced?  Making the adjustment to single life can be hard for many men and somewhere in the struggle they forget to take care of themselves.  Regardless of the circumstances surrounding your divorce, looking after yourself particularly from a health and fitness perspectiveis something that you will have to learn to do.  To help you cope with the pressure and the stress of divorce, you‘ll need to get enough sleep, exercise and healthy food.

Getting some exercise and eating a healthy diet might be the furthest thing from your mind but it’s important to make an effort.  Did you know that men can suffer health problems after divorce, particularly heart disease and depression?  It’s a fact.  Therefore while a diet of beer and takeaway might seem good initially, it isn’t going to do much good for you.

Maintaining your overall health will make you feel better about yourself and while it may be too early to enter into the dating game yet, when you do, you will feel more confident if you are in good shape. Exercise is also a great way to stave off depression as it releases chemicals into your body to make you feel good about yourself, even if only for the short term.  Don’t feel pressured to join a gym. Even a brisk walk a few times a week will help improve your fitness and your mood and will ultimately aid your sleep patterns as well.

A healthy diet includes lots of fresh vegetables and fruit. Eating nutritional home cooked meals is the best way to avoid putting on those unwanted kilos.  If you are not particularly skilled as a cook, pick yourself up a cookbook and have a go.  There are cooking classes designed for single men and you’ll even find some great ideas and recipes online.

Don’t forget to read our earlier articles on how to cook, to shop and to store food.  They are there to help you start your new life smoothly.

Managing your health is all about balance.  Trying to change old habits may not be easy but knowing that you are working to improve yourself may just help you feel better and enable you to get on with your life – one day at a time!