by Debbie Alford
Divorce is difficult for everyone; however women often seem to manage better emotionally after divorce than men. Many men return to dating before they have taken the time to heal.
Divorce is the death of a relationship. Any death brings grief with it and it has to be dealt with before moving on. The worry is that men try to solve their loneliness before they resolve their grief and that isn’t healthy.
Women approach their post-divorce life differently. Usually they allow themselves to cry, using their friends and family as supportive crutches for their emotions. They talk about how they are feeling and that’s a good thing. It’s as though once it’s exposed to the light, the load is easier to carry.
Unlike women, men have a tendency to keep their feelings to themselves, rarely confiding in their friends to help them through. They keep their feelings locked inside and the problem with that is that it eats away inside and makes it difficult to move on and form new relationships.
Unresolved emotion is a time bomb so it’s no surprise that the incidence of depression is high in divorced men yet the subject is hardly discussed. Isn’t that sad?
Women tend to use the time immediately after divorce to positively reconnect with friends and family. They know that they don’t have to put on a happy front all the time. Having this social support in place is a big factor in being able to bounce back after such an extremely stressful event.
Men, this is a lesson you need to learn. It is important for you to meet with others on a social level, even if you don’t particularly feel like it. Accepting invitations from both family and friend is a great way to begin. Start out where you feel safe and with people who understand what you’ve been through.
Take a leaf from the female’s book and allow yourself to experience and express your emotions in a healthy way. It’s the only way you’ll be able to move on as a happy and whole person.
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